I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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