He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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