dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize