Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
