i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
