I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
