East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
