The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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