3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
