so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
