not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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