I love black thongs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
