i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
