Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she told me i tasted like america
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
