I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
