I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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