Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you win again, gameday.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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