someone owes me an orgasm
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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