just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
