didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
