Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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