We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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