I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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