Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
