Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
