Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
