Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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