Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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