Someone shattered a urinal.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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