apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize