What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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