I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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