i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
