I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
