I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
