Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
