I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
