At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
