My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
