You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
