a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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