One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
