Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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