the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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