look no pants
She is in my trunk
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
