I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
