she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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