Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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