Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
