Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
