its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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