Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
