TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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