Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The Olympian is in my bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
