im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
