you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
