i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
