At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize