I wish I could teleport
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
