i may or may not be watching the land before time
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
