Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
