evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
