I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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