It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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