I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
