I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
