You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
