the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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