Welp...herpes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
