I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
