i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
