I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
